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Domestic violence recovery and emergency safety plan: escape protocol

Emergency numbers differ by country. This page uses 911, the number for the United States and Canada. Many other countries use 112, 999, or another number. Find the number for your country.

Domestic abuse and intimate partner violence (IPV) encompass physical battery, coercive control, financial deprivation, sexual assault, isolation, and psychological terror. Escaping an abusive relationship is the single most dangerous phase of an abusive dynamic: statistical criminology demonstrates that victims face the highest risk of severe violence or lethality during the first 72 hours of leaving.

Executing a meticulously planned, discreet, and secure emergency exit strategy protects you and your children.

Do this now: urgent crisis hotlines and secret browsing

If you are in immediate physical danger, call your national emergency number (911 in North America, 112 in Europe, 999 in the UK).

If you are browsing this guide on a shared or monitored smartphone or computer:

  1. Use private or incognito browsing: Abusers routinely inspect browser search history. Clear your cache or browse from a safe device (a trusted friend's phone, work computer, or public library terminal).
  2. Memorize or dial national domestic violence hotlines:
    • United States: Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788 (National Domestic Violence Hotline, free, confidential, available 24/7 in 200+ languages).
    • United Kingdom: Call 0808 2000 247 (National Freephone Domestic Abuse Helpline).
    • Canada: Call or text 1-866-863-7888 (ShelterSafe / National Crisis Helpline).
    • Australia: Call 1800 737 732 (1800RESPECT).
  3. Establish a covert distress code word with trusted contacts:
    • Agree on a simple, innocent-sounding code phrase (such as "Can you pick up almond milk on your way over?") that signals to a trusted family member or neighbor to call 911 to your home immediately without tipping off the abuser.

Preparing a secret emergency escape bag (Go Bag)

Store a hidden go bag outside your home: at a trusted friend's house, at your workplace, or locked inside your vehicle trunk:

  • Identification and vital documents:
    • Certified birth certificates (for yourself and your children).
    • Passports, green cards, immigration papers, and work authorization cards.
    • Social Security cards, driver's license, and state ID cards.
    • Marriage certificates, divorce decrees, child custody orders, and adoption records.
    • Lease agreements, house deeds, and vehicle titles.
    • Health insurance cards, prescription medical records, and children's vaccination cards.
  • Financial assets:
    • Emergency cash stored in physical bills (do not rely solely on credit cards, which abusers can track via online transaction notifications or freeze).
    • Open a secret bank account at a completely different bank than your shared family institution, opting for online-only statements sent to a secure new email address.
  • Essential survival supplies:
    • At least 30 days of vital prescription medications for yourself and your children.
    • Spare car keys and house keys.
    • A prepaid burner smartphone with cash-purchased SIM cards (turned off until after escape to prevent GPS tracking).
    • A change of comfortable clothing, children's favorite small comfort toys, and essential infant formula.

Digital security: evading spyware and GPS stalkerware

Abusive partners frequently install stalkerware apps, monitor shared family iCloud/Google accounts, or place physical GPS tracking tags (such as Apple AirTags or Tile tags) on vehicles and belongings:

  • Audit shared location sharing:
    • Check Apple "Find My" and Google Maps "Location Sharing". Ensure location sharing is permanently turned off for the abuser.
    • Check Family Sharing settings on mobile devices.
  • Scan for hidden GPS trackers:
    • Check your vehicle's wheel wells, undercarriage, rear bumper interior, and glove compartment for magnetic GPS trackers.
    • Use the Apple "Tracker Detect" app (on Android) or built-in iOS notifications to scan for unknown Bluetooth tracking tags traveling with you.
  • Create pristine, uncompromised digital accounts:
    • Create a brand new Google or Apple account from a public library computer. Use this account for housing applications, legal communications, and shelter coordination. Never log into this account on shared home Wi-Fi.

Executing the physical departure safely

  • Choose a time when the abuser is away: Plan your physical departure during hours when the abuser is reliably away at work, running errands, or asleep.
  • Do not announce your intention to leave: Confronting an abuser with "I am leaving you" provokes severe explosive rage, physical restraint, and weapon escalation. Leave quietly without argument.
  • Request a police civil standby escort: If you must return to retrieve personal belongings or children's clothes, call your local police department non-emergency line to request a Civil Standby. Sworn officers will accompany you inside the home and remain present while you pack, preventing violence.

Once safe in an undisclosed shelter, family home, or emergency hotel:

  • File for an Emergency Protective Order (EPO) or Restraining Order:
    • Appear at family court or housing court first thing in the morning to file an ex parte petition for a domestic violence restraining order.
    • A judge can grant an immediate temporary restraining order (TRO) ordering the abuser to vacate the shared home, stay at least 100 yards away from you, your workplace, and children's schools, and award temporary exclusive child custody.
  • Enroll in state Address Confidentiality Programs (Safe at Home):
    • Many states and countries operate statutory Address Confidentiality Programs (ACP). The state provides a confidential legal substitute mailing address for voting, driver's licenses, and court records, preventing the abuser from locating your new apartment through public records searches.