告訴兒童和青少年死亡：該說什麼以及如何說¶

如果與孩子關係密切的人去世了，您可能會害怕告訴他們。你可能不知道該用什麼字眼來表達，你可能會為自己感到悲傷。這是一個非常艱難的地方，你並沒有因為感到不確定而做錯任何事。

好消息是孩子們不需要完美的言語。他們需要誠實、簡單的語言和一個保持親密關係的冷靜成年人。這裡沒有什麼需要著急的。在最初的幾個小時裡，唯一重要的是孩子從他們信任的人那裡聽到了這個消息，他們不會獨自面對這個消息。

現在就這樣做¶

1. **選擇一個值得信賴的成年人來告訴孩子。 ** 這應該是孩子認識並感到安全的人，最好是父母或親密的照顧者。如果那個人太沮喪，請讓另一個值得信賴的成年人也在那裡。
2. **選擇一個安靜、私密的地方和一個平靜的時刻。 ** 關閉螢幕，一起緩慢地呼吸幾次。坐在孩子的水平線上，距離足夠近，可以握住孩子的手或擁抱他們（如果他們願意）。
3. **坦白而友善地說。 **使用「死」這個字。例如：“我有一個非常悲傷的消息。奶奶今天早上去世了。她的身體停止工作了，她不能回來了。”
4. **告訴他們這不是他們的錯，**並且他們所說或所想的都不是造成的。說你在那裡並且會和他們在一起。
5. **讓他們以自己的方式做出反應。 ** 和他們一起哭泣，回答問題，或安靜地坐著。然後提供飲料和小吃，並保持密切聯繫。
6. 盡快告訴學校或託兒所，以便那裡的成年人可以溫柔地觀察孩子是否有掙扎的跡象。

如果死亡剛發生，請記得先撥打正確的服務。指南 在家中猝死 和一個 預計在家中死亡 解釋給誰打電話。

你沒有做錯任何事¶

許多成年人擔心告訴孩子真相會讓他們感到不安。事實上，孩子通常在被告知之前就感覺到出了問題。當大人竊竊私語、關起門來哭泣或改變計畫時，孩子們常常會想像更糟糕的事情，或認為自己做錯了事。

以溫和的方式說出真相是你能做的最仁慈的事情之一。你不必一直堅強或冷靜。孩子看到你哭泣是可以接受的。它向他們表明悲傷是正常的，人們可以感受到它並且仍然是安全的。

如果你聽錯了，你可以回去說：「我想再解釋一下。」孩子們很寬容，他們會在數週甚至數年的時間裡不斷學習和提問。

為什麼誠實很重要¶

孩子們利用他們所擁有的資訊來理解世界。如果真相被隱藏，他們就會用自己的想法來填補空白，而這些想法往往比現實更可怕。被告知祖父母「離開」的孩子可能會等待他們回來或感到被遺棄。一個孩子被告知某人「去睡覺了」可能會變得害怕就寢時間。

喪親慈善機構和兒童健康機構，包括英國的 Winston's Wish 和 Child Bereavement UK 以及美國的全國兒童悲傷聯盟，都建議使用「死亡」和「死亡」等明確的詞語。他們也建議按照孩子的程度如實回答問題。

使用的詞語¶

• 「死了」和「死了」。
• “他的身體停止運轉了。”
• “她的心臟停止了跳動，醫生也無法讓它再次跳動。”
• “這不是你的錯，沒人能阻止。”
• “感到悲傷、憤怒或困惑是正常的。”

要避免的話¶

If your family has faith beliefs, it is fine to share them. Say what has happened first, then add what your family believes, in simple words. For example: "Grandpa died. Our family believes that his spirit is at peace."

How to tell children of different ages¶

Children understand death differently as they grow. These are general guides, and every child is different. Follow your child's lead, and let them ask as much or as little as they want.

嬰兒和幼兒（約 3 歲以下）¶

Very young children do not understand death, but they feel changes in routine and in the mood around them. They may cry more, cling, regress to earlier habits, or seem unsettled.

What helps:

• Keep routines for meals, sleep, and play as steady as possible.
• Offer cuddles, soft words, and familiar objects.
• Use simple words if they ask: "Daddy died. He cannot come back. We are sad, and I am here."
• Expect to repeat the message many times.

Preschool children (about 3 to 5)¶

Young children often see death as temporary, like sleep or a trip. They may ask the same question many times, such as "When is Grandma coming back." This is normal. They also tend to believe that their thoughts or actions can cause things.

What helps:

• Use short, concrete sentences: "Grandma died. Her body stopped working. She cannot eat, breathe, or feel anything. She will not come back."
• Say clearly that it was not their fault.
• Answer repeated questions patiently, with the same words.
• Offer play, drawing, and stories. Young children often process through play.
• Expect big feelings to come and go quickly. A child may cry, then ask for a snack.

Primary school children (about 6 to 9)¶

Children in this age group begin to understand that death is permanent and that all living things die. They may be curious about the body, what happens at a funeral, and what caused the death. They may also worry that others they love will die.

What helps:

• Give honest, simple facts. If a child asks how someone died, answer truthfully at a level they can handle, without graphic detail.
• Reassure them about who will look after them. Say, "I am healthy and I plan to be here for a very long time."
• Invite questions, and say that no question is silly.
• Offer ways to remember, such as drawing, writing a letter, or making a memory box.
• Watch for stomachaches, headaches, trouble sleeping, or changes at school, which can be signs of distress.

Older children (about 10 to 12)¶

Preteens understand death in a more adult way. They may feel deep sadness, anger, fear, or guilt, and they might try to appear fine or avoid talking. They may also compare their situation with friends and feel different.

What helps:

• Be honest and give more detail if they ask for it.
• Let them choose whether to talk, write, draw, or be active.
• Respect privacy but check in gently and often.
• Let them help with plans, such as choosing music or a photo for the funeral.
• Tell their school and ask for understanding about work and behaviour.

Teenagers (about 13 and older)¶

Teenagers understand death fully, but they may express grief in unexpected ways: withdrawing, irritability, risk taking, changes in sleep or appetite, or throwing themselves into activity. They may prefer friends to family for support. They may also feel pressure to take on adult responsibilities.

What helps:

• Tell them the truth directly, with the same respect you would give an adult.
• Give them choices about how to take part in the funeral and what to do afterwards.
• Do not expect them to be the "man of the house" or replace the person who died.
• Stay available without pushing. A short, quiet moment in the car or while making food can open up a conversation.
• Make sure they know where to turn if they feel overwhelmed, including a trusted adult, a counsellor, or a helpline.

Teenagers can be at increased risk of low mood or thoughts of self harm after a loss. If you are worried, ask directly and calmly. The guide on 在極度悲傷中照顧自己 covers warning signs and what to do, and the guide on mental health crisis explains how to respond.

How to have the conversation¶

A few simple steps can make a hard conversation easier.

Before¶

• Take a few minutes to steady yourself. It is okay if you cry, but try to be able to speak.
• Decide on the words you will use, and write them down if that helps.
• Choose a place where the child feels safe, such as their bedroom, a sofa, or a garden.
• Make sure you will not be interrupted.
• Have a tissue box, a drink, and perhaps a favourite toy or blanket nearby.

During¶

1. Start by saying you have something sad to tell them. This gives them a moment to prepare.
2. Say what has happened in plain words. Use the word "died".
3. Pause. Let the silence be. Let the child react.
4. Offer a hug if they want one. Do not force it.
5. Answer questions honestly. If you do not know, say, "I do not know, and I will find out."
6. Tell them what will happen next, such as who will be at home and when they will see you again.
7. Say, "It is not your fault, and I love you."

After¶

• Offer a drink, a snack, and a gentle activity.
• Stay close for the next few hours.
• Let them know they can ask again, at any time.
• Tell their teacher or school.

A simple flow for the conversation¶

flowchart TD
    A["Choose a trusted adult and a quiet place"] --> B["Say that you have sad news"]
    B --> C["Say the word died in simple words"]
    C --> D["Say it is not their fault"]
    D --> E["Let them react in their own way"]
    E --> F["Answer questions honestly and simply"]
    F --> G["Tell them what happens next"]
    G --> H["Stay close and check in again later"]

Questions children often ask¶

Children's questions may be blunt, and they may come at unexpected times. That is a good sign. It means the child feels safe enough to ask.

"Why did they die." Give a simple, true answer. For example, "His heart stopped working," or "She was very sick, and her body could not get better." If the cause is not known, say, "The doctors are trying to find out."

"Will it happen to you." Be honest but reassuring. "Everyone dies one day, but I expect to be here for a very long time. I look after my health, and there are lots of people who will always take care of you."

"Did it hurt." If you know, answer simply. "She was not in pain at the end," or "The doctors gave medicine to help him feel comfortable." If you do not know, say, "I think it was very quick." Do not make promises you cannot keep.

"Is it my fault." Always say no, clearly and warmly. "No, nothing you said or thought made this happen."

"Where are they now." Answer according to your beliefs, in simple words, after saying that the body has died. If you are not sure, you can say, "Different people believe different things. What do you think?"

"Can I see them." The answer depends on the situation. If the person is at home or in a funeral home, some children benefit from a short, supported visit. Explain what they will see first, and let them choose.

"Can I still talk to them." Yes. Many children feel comforted by talking to the person, writing letters, or keeping a special object.

Deaths that are harder to explain¶

Some deaths are more difficult to talk about, such as suicide, overdose, violence, accident, or a death of a child. Children still need truth, told gently and in age-appropriate words.

If a death was by suicide, experts recommend telling children honestly, without graphic detail. You might say, "Dad died by suicide. That means he ended his own life because his mind was very, very ill and he could not see another way. It is not your fault, and nobody could have known."

Avoid language that suggests blame. If you are unsure, a counsellor or a bereavement service can help you prepare.

If the death was sudden or traumatic, it helps to seek professional support for the child early. Many countries have free services for children after sudden deaths, and a doctor or school can help you find them.

Funerals and goodbyes: giving children a choice¶

Children can find funerals confusing or frightening if they are not prepared, but many also say that being included helped them feel part of the family and say goodbye. Experts generally recommend giving children the choice, with clear information, rather than deciding for them.

Preparing a child for a funeral¶

Explain in simple terms:

• Who will be there, and what people may do, such as cry, hug, or share stories.
• Where it will be held, and what the room looks like.
• Whether the body or coffin will be present, and what a coffin is.
• What will happen, such as music, readings, a burial, or a cremation.
• How long it will last.
• That they can leave at any time with a trusted adult.

如果可能的話，請展示該地點的照片。如果葬禮涉及火葬，你可以解釋說：“屍體被放在一個特殊的烤箱裡，將其變成灰燼。人感覺不到任何東西。”

Choices for children¶

Always assign a trusted adult to stay with the child during the funeral. This person's job is to look after the child, not the whole event. They can answer questions, take the child outside, and make sure the child has water and a snack.

If a child chooses not to attend¶

If a child does not want to attend, respect their choice. They can still be included in other ways, such as drawing a picture to place with the coffin, choosing a song, or visiting the grave or memorial later. Some people regret not having the chance, so offer later opportunities to say goodbye.

Seeing the body¶

If the person is lying in an open coffin or at home, a child may want to see them. Explain beforehand: "Grandpa's body will look still and a little different. His eyes are closed. He cannot feel anything."

Let the child decide, and stay close. Some children want to touch a hand or leave a drawing, and others prefer to stay back.

What to expect in the days and weeks after¶

Children grieve differently from adults. They often move in and out of sadness, sometimes in the space of a few minutes. A child may cry, then ask for a snack, then run outside to play. This is normal and healthy, and it does not mean they do not care.

常見反應¶

• Sadness, crying, and clinginess.
• Anger or irritability, including tantrums or outbursts.
• Fear that others will die, or fear of being alone.
• Trouble sleeping, nightmares, or wanting to sleep in your bed.
• Changes in appetite.
• Stomachaches, headaches, or tiredness.
• Going back to earlier behaviours, such as bedwetting or thumb sucking.
• Difficulty concentrating at school.
• Playing out death or funerals in games.
• Asking the same questions repeatedly.

These reactions often ease with time, routine, and support. They are signs that the child is working through their grief, not that something is wrong with them.

有什麼幫助¶

• Keep routines for meals, bedtime, and school as steady as possible.
• Offer comfort, patience, and time.
• 談論死者，使用他們的名字，分享故事，並查看照片。
• 創造紀念它們的方式，例如記憶盒、相簿或特殊的日子。
• 讓孩子看到你也感到悲傷，你能應付。
• 對於由誰來照顧他們保持一致和明確。
• 給他們玩耍、歡笑和做孩子的空間。

特別的日子¶

生日、假期、週年紀念日和開學第一天都會讓悲傷再次出現。提前計劃好這幾天的事情。問孩子他們想做什麼，例如點燃蠟燭、參觀某個地方或烹飪最喜歡的飯菜。

有額外需要的兒童¶

患有自閉症、學習障礙或溝通障礙的兒童也需要誠實、簡單的解釋。他們可能會非常字面地理解單詞，因此避免使用可能被誤解的短語。使用短句、圖片或簡單的故事，並根據需要經常重複該資訊。

盡可能保持日常生活的可預測性，並提前告訴孩子任何變化。視覺時間表、熟悉的物體或安靜的空間都會有所幫助。如果您不確定如何解釋，請向孩子的老師、治療師或喪親服務機構詢問適合您孩子的建議。

當孩子分在兩個家庭時¶

如果一個孩子住在兩個家庭之間，請確保兩個家庭使用相同的單字並迅速分享訊息。孩子不應該透過謠言或電話留言得知死亡消息。商定由誰告訴孩子，並確保孩子事後有一個值得信賴的成年人陪伴。

Talking with your child's school¶

Tell your child's school or childcare as soon as you can. A teacher who knows can be gentle, avoid surprises, and let the child take a break if needed. Ask the school who the child can go to if they feel upset, and whether they offer a counsellor or a quiet room.

Let the school know what the child has been told, so they use the same words. You might say, "We have told Maya that her grandfather died of a heart attack. She may be upset or need a break."

Classmates¶

有些學校在徵得家人同意的情況下與同學交談，以便其他孩子知道並且能夠友善。你可以詢問學校打算說什麼，大家一起商定。

Looking after yourself while you care for children¶

It is hard to be a source of comfort when you are grieving too. You do not have to hide your feelings, but you also need support. Share the load, ask for help with meals and school runs, and make time to rest.

If you feel overwhelmed, or you have thoughts of harming yourself, tell someone right away. You can call your local emergency number (911 in the United States and Canada, 112 across the European Union, 999 in the United Kingdom) or a crisis line. The 緊急號碼 page lists them by country. The guide on 在極度悲傷中照顧自己 has more.

When to seek extra help for a child¶

Most children cope with the support of family, school, and time. Seek help from a doctor, counsellor, or children's bereavement service if, after a few weeks, a child:

• Cannot sleep, or has persistent nightmares.
• Refuses to go to school or has a big drop in schoolwork.
• Withdraws completely from friends and activities they used to enjoy.
• 有強烈的、持續的憤怒或攻擊性。
• Harms themselves, or talks about wanting to die or to join the person who died.
• Has frequent unexplained physical symptoms.
• Seems stuck in fear or guilt that does not ease.

If a child or teenager talks about suicide or harming themselves, take it seriously. Stay with them, listen without judgement, and get help right away. Call your local emergency number, a crisis line such as 988 in the United States and Canada, or take them to an emergency department.

哪裡可以找到支持¶

• Children's bereavement charities, such as Winston's Wish and Child Bereavement UK in the United Kingdom, and the National Alliance for Children's Grief and the Dougy Center in the United States.
• Child helplines: Childline in the United Kingdom, Kids Help Phone in Canada, Kids Helpline in Australia.
• School counsellors and educational psychologists.
• Your family doctor, who can refer you to children's mental health services.
• Hospice bereavement teams, which often support children and young people.
• Faith communities and community groups.

各國差異¶

Practices and services differ by country, but the advice on honesty, gentle words, and support is similar everywhere. Here are some pointers.

在美國¶

Hospices, schools, and children's grief centres often run free or low cost programmes for bereaved children. The American Academy of Pediatrics offers guidance for parents. The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available for young people and adults.

在英國¶

Winston's Wish、Child Bereavement UK 和 Cruse Bereavement Support 提供協助，包括求助專線。英國國民醫療服務體系（NHS）為父母提供了與孩子談論死亡的指南。 Childline 為 19 歲以下的青少年提供免費支援。

在加拿大¶

Hospice societies and children's hospitals offer bereavement support. Kids Help Phone offers free, confidential support for young people.

在澳大利亞¶

Many community and hospice services offer grief support for children. Kids Helpline offers free counselling, and Lifeline supports adults in crisis.

在其他國家¶

Ask your doctor, school, hospice, or local health service about children's bereavement support. Faith communities and community groups may also help. See the 緊急號碼 page for crisis lines.

急救訓練注意事項¶

If you want to feel more prepared in a medical emergency, a hands-on first aid course from the Red Cross, St John Ambulance, or a local provider can teach CPR and other skills. There is no need to do this now, and nobody should feel pressure to. Some families find that learning later helps them feel less helpless.

常見問題¶

Should I use the word "died" with a young child?¶

Yes. Child bereavement experts recommend using clear words such as "died" and "dead" with simple explanations, because phrases like "gone to sleep" or "we lost him" can confuse or frighten children. You can follow it with comforting words and your family's beliefs, but say plainly what has happened first. Children usually handle the truth better than adults expect.

Should children go to the funeral?¶

Most experts suggest giving children the choice, with clear information about what will happen and a trusted adult to stay with them. Many children say they were glad to be included, while others prefer to say goodbye in a different way, and both choices are fine. If a child chooses not to attend, offer another way to take part, such as drawing a picture or visiting later.

What if my child does not seem upset?¶

Children grieve in short bursts and may appear fine, then cry later or play out their feelings. Not showing sadness right away does not mean they do not care or do not understand. Keep routines steady, stay available, and let them know they can talk to you at any time.

What if I cry in front of my child?¶

It is okay and even helpful for a child to see you cry, because it shows that sadness is normal and that people can feel it and still be safe. Explain simply, "I am crying because I am sad that Grandpa died. I will be okay." If you feel overwhelmed, ask another trusted adult to step in and take a break.

來源已檢查¶

• NHS (United Kingdom): "Helping a child or young person after a bereavement" and guidance on supporting grieving children.
• Winston's Wish (United Kingdom): guidance for talking to children about death and funerals.
• Child Bereavement UK: guidance for telling children, and supporting young people.
• American Academy of Pediatrics (United States): HealthyChildren.org guidance on talking to children about death and grief.
• National Alliance for Children's Grief and the Dougy Center (United States): guidance on supporting grieving children and teenagers.
• Red Cross (American Red Cross, British Red Cross): supporting children after a loss.
• Government of Canada and Kids Help Phone: resources for young people and families.
• Australian Government Department of Health, Kids Helpline, and Grief Australia: supporting bereaved children.
• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (United States and Canada).

Guidance varies by child and by country. If you are worried about a child, speak to a doctor or a children's bereavement service.

相關指南¶

• 家人一夕之間在家中意外身亡
• 尋找已過世的人，無論是孤獨的還是小時候的
• 在極度悲傷中照顧自己
• 在家中死亡後的最初幾小時和幾天
• Death of a pet at home