First hours and days after a death at home: a gentle checklist¶

When someone dies at home, there are suddenly many things people say need to be done. Please take a breath. Almost none of them need to be done today. This page puts them in a calm order, so that you can see what can wait, and so you can do one small thing at a time.

You are not doing anything wrong if you feel numb, tearful, confused, or unable to think. Grief and shock can make even simple tasks feel enormous. Nothing here needs to be rushed except the first call to the right service, and if you are reading this, that call has probably already been made. If it has not, the guides to a sudden death at home and an expected death at home explain who to ring.

Мұны қазір жасаңыз¶

1. Make sure the right person has been told. If you have not already, call the hospice, nurse, doctor, or your local emergency number (911 in the United States and Canada, 112 across the European Union, 999 in the United Kingdom). See the шұғыл нөмірлер page for others.
2. Sit down, drink water, and eat something small. Your body has had a shock.
3. Ask one person to stay with you. A friend, neighbour, or relative can answer the door and the phone while you rest.
4. Keep the room as it is until the professionals tell you otherwise, especially after an unexpected death.
5. Write down one list of the names and phone numbers of people who need to be told, and ask someone else to help with the calls.
6. Leave everything else for later. Funeral choices, bank accounts, and belongings can wait for days or weeks.

Сіз ештеңе істеп жатқан жоқсыз¶

There is no correct way to behave after a death. Some people take charge and make lists. Some people cannot get out of a chair.

Some people cry for hours, and some do not cry at all. All of this is normal.

You may also feel pressure from relatives, from the funeral home, or from your own mind to "get things done". It is true that some steps have deadlines, but they are measured in days, not minutes, and professionals can help you meet them. If someone tells you that you must decide something immediately and you are not sure, you can say, "I need a little more time."

You are allowed to slow down. You are allowed to ask for help. You are allowed to say, "Can you explain that again," as many times as you like.

The order of things¶

This table shows what usually needs doing and roughly when. Timeframes vary by country, so treat these as a general guide and check locally.

Every step has helpers. You do not need to do these alone.

A simple flow for the first days¶

flowchart TD
    A["A death has happened at home"] --> B["Death confirmed by doctor, nurse or paramedic"]
    B --> C["Doctor or coroner decides on the certificate"]
    C --> D["Funeral director collects your loved one"]
    D --> E["Tell close family and look after children and pets"]
    E --> F["Register the death and order copies of the certificate"]
    F --> G["Plan the funeral or farewell at your own pace"]
    G --> H["Tell banks, employers and agencies over the coming weeks"]
    H --> I["Deal with the estate when you feel ready"]

Hour by hour: the first day¶

Бірінші сағат¶

The most important thing in the first hour is that the death is confirmed by someone authorised, and that you are looked after. If paramedics, police, or a nurse are with you, you can let them lead. Ask them to write down their name, what will happen next, and who you should call.

You may want to sit with your loved one. You may want to say a prayer or a goodbye. You may want to open a window or light a candle.

These are all fine. If the death was unexpected, try to leave the room as it is until the professionals say it is okay to change it.

The next few hours¶

Once the person has been taken care of, you can start to take stock. Here is a small checklist for the first day:

• Drink water and eat something, even if only a little.
• Досыңыз немесе туысыңыз сізбен бірге болсын.
• Жақын отбасы сияқты ең шұғыл білу керек адамдарға айтыңыз.
• Балаларға, үлкен туыстарға және үй жануарларына күтім жасауды ұйымдастырыңыз.
• Кәсіби мамандардан сүйіктіңізбен не болатынын және қашан болатынын сұраңыз.
• Ask for a contact name and phone number for the coroner's office or funeral director.
• Write down anything you are told, or ask someone to write it for you.
• Try to rest, even if you cannot sleep.

Telling close family¶

Telling family is one of the hardest tasks. It is kind to tell the closest people by phone or in person, rather than by text or social media. If you cannot bear to make the calls, ask a trusted person to do it for you, and give them the facts to share.

Keep it simple: who died, roughly what happened, and that you will be in touch with more information. You might say, "I am so sorry to tell you that Mum died this morning at home. We have called the doctor, and I will phone again when I know more." Ask them not to post anything online until the family agrees.

Telling children¶

Children need to hear truthfully and gently what has happened, ideally from someone they trust. The guide on telling children and teens about a death gives simple wording by age.

Pets in the home¶

Pets may be anxious, confused, or looking for the person. Keep them calm, fed, and safe. If you cannot look after them right now, ask a friend or neighbour to take them for a few days.

Dogs still need to be walked, and cats need food, water, and a clean litter tray. Be aware that pets may also grieve.

The medical certificate and the coroner¶

A death needs an official record of the cause. In most countries, this is done by a doctor who completes a medical certificate. If the death was sudden, unexplained, or happened in certain circumstances, the death is reported to a coroner or medical examiner instead.

If a doctor signs the certificate¶

If your loved one had a known illness and a doctor had seen them recently, the doctor can usually sign the certificate. They will give you a document, or send it to the registrar or funeral director. You will use that to register the death.

If a coroner is involved¶

If the death was unexpected, the coroner or medical examiner may take responsibility for finding the cause. They may order a post-mortem examination. This can take days, and sometimes longer. The coroner's office should give you a contact person and tell you when your loved one can be released to a funeral director.

You can ask the coroner's office: "When do you expect to release my loved one? Who should I call?" Many offices have a bereavement officer who can help.

Funeral home or funeral director¶

A funeral director looks after the person who has died, helps with paperwork, and arranges the funeral. You can choose any funeral director. You do not need to choose the first one you are given, though the first few hours may feel pressured.

Choosing one¶

Ask friends, a faith community, or the hospice team for suggestions. You can call two or three and ask about prices and what is included. They should give you a written price list on request.

In the United States, the Federal Trade Commission's Funeral Rule requires funeral homes to provide an itemised price list. In the United Kingdom, funeral directors must show their prices and provide written quotes. In other countries, ask for the same.

What to ask¶

• What is the total cost, in writing, and what is not included.
• When can they collect your loved one.
• Жанұялар жерлеу рәсімінен бұрын адамға бара алады немесе көре алады.
• Оларға сізден қандай құжаттар қажет.
• Олардың сіздің отбасыңыздың сеніміне немесе мәдени қажеттіліктеріне қатысты тәжірибесі бар ма?
• Олар өлімді тіркеуге және куәліктің көшірмелеріне тапсырыс беруге көмектесе алады ма?

Жерлеу үйінде бірдеңе дұрыс болмаса, нұсқаулықты қараңыз жерлеу үйінің араласуы, кешігуі немесе бағаның көтерілуі.

Шығындар туралы алаңдаушылық¶

Жерлеу қымбат болуы мүмкін. Ақша уайымдап жатса, жаназа басшысына шынын айт. Көбісі қарапайым немесе тікелей нұсқаларды ұсынады, ал кейбір елдерде жерлеу шығындары үшін үкіметтің көмегі бар.

Біріккен Корольдікте белгілі бір жеңілдіктерге ие адамдар үшін жерлеу шығындарының төлемі қолжетімді болуы мүмкін. Басқа елдерде жергілікті кеңестер, діни топтар немесе қайырымдылық ұйымдары көмектесе алады.

Қайтыс болуды тіркеу және куәліктің көшірмелерін алу¶

Әрбір елде өлімді тіркеудің ресми процесі бар. Бұл заңды өлім туралы куәлікті береді. Банктік шоттарды жабу, сақтандыруды талап ету және мүлікті өңдеу сияқты көптеген тапсырмалар расталған көшірмелерді қажет етеді.

Америка Құрама Штаттарында¶

Жерлеу үйі әдетте қайтыс болу туралы куәлікті штатқа немесе округтік азаматтық істер жөніндегі кеңсеге тапсырады. Дәрігер немесе медициналық сарапшы сияқты медициналық куәландырушы өлім себебін анықтайды. Жерлеу директоры куәландырылған көшірмелерге тапсырыс бере алады және сізге әдетте бірнеше қажет болады. Төлемдер штатқа қарай өзгереді.

Ұлыбританияда¶

Өлім тіркеу кеңсесінде тіркеледі, әдетте Англия мен Уэльсте бес күн ішінде (Шотландияда сегіз күн), егер коронар тартылмаса, бұл жағдайда тіркеуші сізге қашан екенін айтады. Туыстары әдетте медициналық анықтама әкеліп тіркеледі. Үкіметтің бізге бір рет айтқызу қызметі көптеген мемлекеттік департаменттерді бір уақытта хабардар ете алады. GOV.UK қалай брондау және не әкелу керектігін түсіндіреді.

Канадада¶

Жерлеу үйі, әдетте, өлімді облыстық немесе аумақтық азаматтық хал актілерін тіркеу бөлімінде тіркейді. Дәрігер немесе коронар медициналық анықтаманы толтырады. Куәландырылған көшірмелер провинциялық агенттік немесе жерлеу үйі арқылы тапсырыс беріледі.

Австралияда¶

The funeral director generally registers the death with the state or territory registry of births, deaths, and marriages. A doctor or coroner provides the certificate. Copies can be ordered through the registry, and Services Australia has an online guide for what to do after a death.

Басқа елдерде¶

Көптеген елдер бірнеше күн немесе апта ішінде дәрігердің анықтамасын және тіркеуді талап етеді. Шетелде болсаңыз, жергілікті билік, жерлеу жөніндегі директор немесе елшілік сізге көмектесе алады. қараңыз шұғыл нөмірлер page for consular help.

Дәрілік заттар мен медициналық жабдықтар¶

After a death, there may be medicines, oxygen cylinders, syringes, patches, and equipment left in the home. You do not need to clear them quickly, but it is safer to deal with them within a few days, especially if children or pets are in the home.

Дәрілер¶

Official guidance in many countries is similar:

• Keep medicines out of reach of children and pets.
• Do not give leftover medicines to anyone else.
• Do not keep strong painkillers or controlled drugs around the house for longer than needed.
• Use a pharmacy take-back scheme, a community take-back day, or the hospice's own disposal arrangement.
• In the United States, the Food and Drug Administration and Drug Enforcement Administration recommend drug take-back options first. If none is available, the FDA gives steps for household disposal and lists a small number of medicines that may be flushed.
• In the United Kingdom, the NHS advises returning unwanted medicines to a pharmacy. Do not put them in household bins or flush them.

If you are not sure, ask the hospice nurse, the doctor, or a pharmacist. They will not judge you, and they deal with this every day.

Needles and sharps¶

If there are syringes or needles, do not put them in the regular rubbish. Ask your pharmacy or local health service about a sharps container and disposal.

Equipment¶

Hospital beds, oxygen concentrators, walkers, and similar items are often loaned. The loan provider can tell you how to return them. There is no need to do this in the first days.

Securing the home¶

When someone has died, the home may be empty for a time. A few simple steps can protect it.

• Lock doors and windows, and check that spare keys are accounted for.
• Ask a trusted person to check the house regularly, and collect the post.
• Redirect or hold mail through the postal service, if the person lived alone.
• Put valuables, passports, and important papers in one safe place.
• Turn off the oven, space heaters, and anything that could cause a fire.
• Empty the refrigerator of food that will spoil, and take out the rubbish.
• In winter, keep the heat on low to protect pipes. The guide on мұздатылған құбырлар себебін түсіндіреді.
• Өсімдіктерге, балықтарға, құстарға немесе басқа үй жануарларына күтім жасауды ұйымдастырыңыз.
• Tell the insurer if the home will be empty for a long time, as some policies have limits.

Be careful with public notices¶

Burglars and scammers sometimes read funeral notices and obituaries to find empty homes. When you publish a notice, avoid giving the address and the date and time of the funeral together if the home will be empty. Ask a friend to stay at the house during the funeral.

Scams after a death¶

Scammers sometimes contact bereaved families, claiming that the person owed money or that there is an unclaimed inheritance. Do not pay or share personal details on a phone call or message you did not expect. The guides on scams and fraud and on борышкер қайтыс болғаннан кейін талап етеді құқықтарыңызды түсіндіріңіз.

Ақша және шоттар: не күте алады¶

Алғашқы күндерде банктермен, коммуналдық қызметтермен және жазылымдармен айналысудың қажеті жоқ. Көпшілігі бір апта немесе одан да көп күте алады. Бірнеше жылдам қадамдар пайдалы болуы мүмкін, бірақ сіз дайын болғанда ғана:

• Өсиет іздеп, оны сақтаңыз.
• Пошта және электрондық пошта арқылы адамның банк, зейнетақы және сақтандыру шоттарының тізімін жасаңыз.
• Бұл адамның жұмыс берушісіне айтыңыз, егер олар жұмыс істеді.
• Тікелей дебет немесе автоматты төлем арқылы не төленетінін білмейінше ештеңеден бас тартпаңыз. Төлемнен тым ерте бас тарту қиындықтар тудыруы мүмкін.
• Кеңес бермейінше адамның қарызын өз ақшаңыздан төлемеңіз. Көптеген елдерде қайтыс болған адамның қарыздары үшін отбасы жауапты емес, бірақ оның мұрасы болуы мүмкін.

Егер жылжымайтын мүлік күрделі болса, адвокат немесе адвокат көмектесе алады. Нұсқаулық қосулы проба және орындаушы төтенше жағдай органы жалпы проблемаларды және нұсқаулықты түсіндіреді Medicaid мүлікті қалпына келтіру Америка Құрама Штаттарының отбасылары үшін маңызды болуы мүмкін.

Protecting against identity theft¶

Criminals sometimes misuse the identities of people who have died. Once the death is registered, you can ask the main credit reporting agencies in your country to mark the person's file as deceased. In the United States, this means contacting the three major credit bureaus, and in the United Kingdom, the Deceased Preference Service and credit reference agencies. The guide on identity theft response has more detail.

Digital life and phones¶

You may wonder what to do about a loved one's phone, email, and social media. There is no hurry. Keep the phone charged and in a safe place, and do not give out passwords.

Many services have a process for memorialising or closing accounts that needs a death certificate. This can wait for weeks.

If the person's phone keeps receiving messages from people who do not yet know about the death, it can be painful. Consider turning off notifications for a while and asking a friend to check it.

Planning the funeral or farewell¶

There is no right way to say goodbye. You may choose a traditional funeral, a simple cremation, a memorial service, a celebration of life, a religious service, a green burial, or a small gathering at home. Some families wait weeks before holding a service so that far-off relatives can travel.

If the person left instructions, such as in a will or a note, they may guide you, but they are not always legally binding. Talk with close family, and with the funeral director or a faith leader, about what feels right.

Children and the funeral¶

Children may want to attend, and it can help them feel included. The guide on telling children and teens about a death explains how to prepare them and how to give them a choice.

Different cultures and faiths¶

Many faiths have rituals soon after death, such as washing, particular words, or burial within a day. Tell the funeral director and the professionals who attend early. In many countries they can speed up paperwork or arrange for a community leader to help.

If the person rented their home or lived in shared housing¶

If your loved one rented the home, rent and the tenancy do not stop at the moment of death, but you are not expected to solve this in the first days. Contact the landlord or housing provider by phone or letter when you are ready, say that the tenant has died, and ask what they need. Many landlords are understanding, and in many places the tenancy can be ended by notice within a set period.

Do not hurry to clear the home. Belongings may belong to the estate, and it can be helpful to wait until you know who will act as executor or administrator. If you are worried about how long the home will stay empty, or about pressure from a landlord, an advice service or a solicitor or attorney can explain the rules where you live.

Taking time off work and school¶

Most people need at least a few days away from work or school after a death. Many employers allow bereavement leave, and some countries give a legal right to it. Tell your employer or school simply, "A close family member has died, and I need some time." You do not have to give details.

If you are a student, a teacher or counsellor can often arrange extra time for assignments. If you are a parent, let your child's school know early, so teachers can be gentle and watch for signs that your child is struggling.

The first night¶

The first night can be very long. The house may feel different, and you may not want to be alone. If you can, ask someone to stay with you, or go to stay with someone else. Sleep may be broken, with early waking or vivid dreams, and that is common.

A few small comforts can help. Keep a light on if you want. Have water by the bed.

Put your phone on silent, with only a few trusted people allowed to reach you. If your mind keeps racing, write down what you are thinking or a list of tomorrow's tasks, so that you can set it aside.

Кішкентай заттарды қауіпсіз сақтау¶

Алғашқы күндерде кез келген адам тазалауды бастамас бұрын бірнеше ұсақ-түйектерді қалдыру керек:

• Photographs, letters, and personal papers.
• Jewellery, watches, and items with sentimental meaning.
• Address books, diaries, and the phone.
• Wills, insurance documents, and bank statements.
• Keys, passports, and identity papers.

You do not need to sort them yet. Put them in a box or drawer and label it. Decisions about belongings can wait until you are ready, and you can ask a relative to be with you when you start.

Looking after yourself in the first days¶

It is easy to forget yourself when there is so much to do. You are also grieving. Try to make time for these basics:

• Eat regularly, even if it is only toast or soup.
• Drink water, and keep alcohol low.
• Sleep when you can, and rest even if you cannot sleep.
• Move gently, with a short walk if you feel able.
• Talk to someone who listens without trying to fix things.
• Ask for help and accept it when it is offered.

If you are the one handling everything, share the tasks. Make a list, and give a name to each item. People often want to help and do not know how.

The guide on қатты қайғыда өзіңізге қамқорлық жасау covers physical symptoms, sleep, and warning signs that mean it is time to seek help. If you ever think about harming yourself, call your local emergency number or a crisis line right away. In the United States and Canada, you can call or text 988.

Support available to you¶

Many places offer bereavement support, often free. Examples:

• Hospice and palliative care teams, which often support families for a year or more after a death.
• Your doctor, who can refer you to counselling.
• In the United Kingdom, Cruse Bereavement Support and the NHS.
• In the United States, local hospice bereavement programmes and community groups.
• In Canada and Australia, community bereavement services and grief support groups through hospices and health services.
• Faith leaders and community groups.
• Online and phone support lines in many countries.

You can ask the funeral director, the hospice, or your doctor for a local contact. You do not have to decide today.

A note on first aid training¶

If you want to feel more prepared for future emergencies, consider a hands-on first aid course from the Red Cross, St John Ambulance, or a local provider. There is no need to do this now, and nobody should feel pressure. It is simply an option for later.

Жиі қойылатын сұрақтар¶

How soon do I need to register the death?¶

It depends on the country. In England and Wales it is usually within five days, in Scotland within eight days, and in many other places within a few days to a few weeks. The doctor, coroner, or funeral director can tell you the exact deadline and help with the process. If a coroner is involved, the registrar will tell you when you can register.

Do I have to choose a funeral home straight away?¶

No. You can take time to think, ask for suggestions, and compare prices. The person who has died will be looked after in the meantime. A good funeral director will not pressure you, and you can ask for a written price list before you decide.

What should I do with my loved one's medicines?¶

Keep them out of reach of children and pets and do not give them to anyone else. Take them to a pharmacy take-back scheme or follow the hospice or doctor's advice. In the United States, the Food and Drug Administration and Drug Enforcement Administration recommend take-back programmes first, and in the United Kingdom the NHS recommends returning them to a pharmacy.

Is it normal to feel nothing, or to feel everything at once?¶

Yes. Shock can make people feel numb, and grief can bring waves of strong feelings that come and go without warning. There is no correct way to feel, and your reactions do not measure how much you loved the person. If your feelings become overwhelming, or you have thoughts of harming yourself, tell someone right away and contact a crisis line or emergency services.

Дереккөздер тексерілді¶

• GOV.UK (United Kingdom): "What to do after someone dies", "Register a death", "Tell Us Once", and "Get help with funeral costs".
• NHS (Ұлыбритания): «Біреу қайтыс болғаннан кейін не істеу керек» және қажетсіз дәрілерді қайтару бойынша нұсқаулық.
• Federal Trade Commission (United States): The Funeral Rule and consumer guidance on funerals.
• Азық-түлік және дәрі-дәрмекпен күресу басқармасы (Америка Құрама Штаттары): дәрілік заттарды қауіпсіз жою және қайтарып алу бағдарламалары.
• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Health Statistics (United States): death certificates and civil records.
• Government of Canada and provincial civil registration offices: registering a death.
• Services Australia and state registries of births, deaths and marriages: what to do after a death.
• National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization (United States) and Hospice UK: guidance on the first days after a death.
• Red Cross (American Red Cross, British Red Cross): bereavement support.

Rules and deadlines differ by country, state, and region. Check with your local registrar, coroner, or funeral director.

Қатысты нұсқаулықтар¶

• Family member died overnight at home unexpectedly
• Expected death at home: who to call first
• Looking after yourself in acute grief
• Telling children and teens about a death
• Sudden death of a spouse or partner who handled everything