Akut kederde kendinize bakmak: ilk günler¶

Yakınınızdan biri öldüyse, bunu sisler içinde okuyor olabilirsiniz. Vücudunuz tuhaf gelebilir, düşünceleriniz birbiriyle bağlantılı olmayabilir ve neye ihtiyacınız olduğunu bilemeyebilirsiniz. Bu normaldir. Akut yas, kaybın keskin, erken aşamasıdır ve zihnin yanı sıra bedeni de etkiler.

Ne hissedersen hisset, ne hissetmesen de yanlış bir şey yapmıyorsun. Burada hiçbir şeyin hızlı bir şekilde yapılması gerekmiyor. Bu sayfanın amacı basit: önümüzdeki birkaç günü biraz su, yemek, dinlenme ve arkadaşlıkla atlatmanıza yardımcı olmak ve size ne zaman ve nasıl daha fazla yardım isteyebileceğinizi söylemek. Hayatınıza son verme düşünceleriniz varsa aşağıda bununla ilgili net bir bölüm var ve en önemli adım bunu şimdi birine söylemektir.

Bunu şimdi yap¶

1. Rahat bir yere oturun veya uzanın. Her iki ayağınızı da yere koyun veya kendinizi bir battaniyeye sarın. Birkaç dakika boyunca başka bir şey yapmanıza gerek yoktur.
2. Bir bardak su içip kızarmış ekmek, muz, çorba veya bisküvi gibi küçük bir şeyler yiyin. Şok enerjiyi tüketir ve birçok insan yemek yemeyi unutur.
3. Yavaşça nefes verin. Birkaç kez dörde kadar sayarak nefes alın ve altıya kadar sayarak nefes verin. Bu, yarışan bir kalbi sakinleştirebilir.
4. Bir kişiyle iletişime geçin. Bir arkadaşınızı, akrabanızı, komşunuzu veya inanç liderinizi arayın veya mesaj gönderin ve "Lütfen gelin" veya "Lütfen benimle telefonda kalın" deyin.
5. Kendinizi güvende hissetmiyorsanız veya kendinize zarar vermeyi ya da hayatınıza son vermeyi düşünüyorsanız, hemen birisine söyleyin. Yerel acil durum numaranızı (Amerika Birleşik Devletleri ve Kanada'da 911, Avrupa Birliği genelinde 112, Birleşik Krallık'ta 999) veya Amerika Birleşik Devletleri ve Kanada'da 988 gibi bir kriz hattını arayın. Bkz. acil numaralar diğerleri için sayfa.
6. Gerisi beklesin. Telefon görüşmeleri, formlar ve kararlar daha sonra yardım alınarak yapılabilir.

Göğüs ağrınız varsa, nefes almada zorluk çekiyorsanız veya kendinizi baygın ve iyi hissetmiyorsanız, yerel acil durum numaranızı arayın. Keder, kalbi ve bedeni etkileyebilir ve kontrol edilmek her zaman doğrudur.

Yanlış bir şey yapmıyorsun¶

Ölümden sonraki ilk günlerde insanlar çok farklı tepkiler verirler. Bazıları saatlerce ağlıyor. Bazıları ağlayamıyor.

Bazıları sakinleşir, daha sonra çökerler. Bazıları öfke, korku, suçluluk, rahatlama hisseder ya da hiçbir şey hissetmez. Doğru bir düzen ya da doğru miktar yoktur ve bu tepkilerin hiçbiri kötü bir şekilde yas tuttuğunuz anlamına gelmez.

Ayrıca “Devam edemem” ya da “Bir şeyler yapmalıydım” gibi sizi korkutan düşünceleriniz de olabilir. Bu düşünceler akut yasta sık görülür ve zaman ve destekle genellikle hafifler. Bunlar senin kırıldığın anlamına gelmez. Bunlar, bakımı hak ettiğiniz anlamına gelir ve eğer güçlü ya da sık görülürlerse eğitimli birinden yardım almayı hak ediyorsunuz.

Hiçbir şeyin aceleye getirilmesine gerek yok. Yemek yemeye, uyumaya, ağlamaya, sessizce oturmaya veya insanlarla birlikte olmaya zaman ayırabilirsiniz. Acil olan tek şey sizin güvenliğiniz ve size güvenen herkesin güvenliğidir.

Şok bedene ve zihne ne yapar?¶

Shock is the mind and body's way of coping with something too big to take in at once. It can last hours, days, or longer, and it often comes in waves. Knowing what to expect can make it less frightening.

Common physical effects¶

• A racing or pounding heart.
• Tightness in the chest or throat, or a feeling of weight.
• Shaking, trembling, or feeling cold.
• Nausea, stomach pain, or loss of appetite.
• Dizziness, or feeling faint.
• Headaches and muscle aches.
• Aşırı yorgunluk, huzursuzluk ve hareketsiz oturamama.
• A dry mouth, or difficulty swallowing.
• Changes in sleep, including waking very early.

Common effects on thinking and feeling¶

• Numbness, or a sense that this is not real.
• Trouble concentrating, forgetting simple things, or losing words.
• Going over events again and again in your mind.
• Hearing or seeing the person briefly, such as thinking you hear their voice or key in the door. This is very common and usually not a sign of illness.
• Waves of sadness, anger, or fear that come and go.
• Guilt, "if only" thoughts, and blaming yourself or others.
• Anxiety, panic, or fear of being alone.

Most of these feelings ease gradually over weeks, though they can return on anniversaries or when you are reminded of the person. If you have a panic attack, the panic attacks guide explains what to do.

When physical symptoms need medical help¶

Grief can cause real physical symptoms, but some symptoms can also signal a medical problem. Call your local emergency number straight away if you have:

• Chest pain or pressure, especially if it spreads to your arm, neck, or jaw.
• Severe trouble breathing.
• Fainting, or a very fast or irregular heartbeat that does not settle.
• Sudden weakness, face drooping, or difficulty speaking.
• Severe or sudden confusion.

For less urgent concerns, such as ongoing nausea, severe sleeplessness, or new aches, speak to your doctor or call a nurse line. Bereavement is a good reason to see your doctor, and they will not think you are making a fuss.

The basics: water, food, sleep, movement¶

When you are in shock, the basics are the first things to slip. They are also the things that help you most. You do not have to do them perfectly. A little is enough.

Water¶

Crying, stress, and not drinking can leave you dehydrated, which makes headaches and dizziness worse. Keep a glass or bottle nearby and sip through the day. Warm drinks such as tea, or sweet drinks, can feel comforting.

Food¶

You may not feel hungry, or you may want to eat everything. Both are normal. Try to eat small amounts at regular times.

Easy options include soup, toast, yoghurt, fruit, eggs, porridge, or a sandwich. If cooking feels impossible, accept food from neighbours and friends, or order a simple meal.

If you have a health condition such as diabetes, take your medicines as usual and keep to your usual routine as far as you can. If you are unsure how grief is affecting your condition, call your doctor.

Sleep¶

Sleep is often disrupted in the first days. You may lie awake, wake at 3 a.m., or have vivid dreams. Some people sleep for many hours. All of this is common.

Things that can help:

• Rest in a quiet, dim room even if you do not sleep.
• Keep a regular time for going to bed and getting up, as far as you can.
• Avoid screens and news for the last hour before bed.
• Try a warm, caffeine free drink.
• Write down worries or tomorrow's tasks, so they are out of your head.
• Keep a light or a radio on if the quiet feels hard.

If you are prescribed sleep medicine, follow the label and your doctor's advice. Do not take anyone else's medicines. Please be cautious with alcohol, because it may help you drop off but usually disturbs sleep and can deepen low mood.

Gentle movement¶

A short walk, some stretching, or sitting outside in daylight can ease tension. You do not need to exercise hard. Ten minutes of fresh air is enough. If you do not feel able, simply stand and stretch, or sit by a window.

A simple daily check¶

Each morning and evening, ask yourself:

• Have I had something to drink.
• Have I had something to eat.
• Have I talked to one person.
• Have I rested for a while.
• Do I feel safe.

If the answer to the last question is no, go to the section on safety below.

Being with people, and being alone¶

Some people want company all the time, and others need quiet. Both are fine. In the first days it is usually helpful to have at least one person nearby who can answer the door, make tea, and notice if you are not coping.

Accepting help¶

People often say, "Let me know if you need anything." It can be hard to ask, so you can give them a specific job: "Could you pick up milk," "Could you sit with me tonight," or "Could you phone my sister." Most people are glad to be useful.

Setting limits¶

You may be flooded with calls, visits, and messages. You are allowed to say, "I am not up to talking just now." You can choose one person to pass on news, or leave your phone on silent for a few hours. You can also turn off notifications, or ask a friend to monitor messages.

If you are alone¶

If you live alone, or you are away from home, tell someone how you are feeling and ask them to check in. A phone call, a video chat, or a message at set times each day can help. Think about whether you can stay with a friend or relative for a few nights.

If you are alone and feel unsafe, call your local emergency number or a crisis line. You do not have to be alone with it.

Alcohol, drugs, and other ways of coping¶

It is common to want to numb painful feelings. Alcohol, drugs, or unprescribed medicines can seem to help in the moment, but they often make grief, sleep, and mood worse. They also carry real risks, especially if you are already exhausted and not eating.

If you notice that you are drinking or using more than you want to, or you are worried about your use, speak to your doctor or a support service. The guide on opioid overdose explains what to do if someone has taken too much. If you are in recovery, tell your support network and attend your usual meetings or contacts.

Safer ways to ease feelings include:

• Talking to a trusted person.
• Writing, drawing, or recording voice notes.
• Listening to music.
• Taking a warm shower or bath.
• Walking outside, or sitting in nature.
• Holding a warm drink or a soft blanket.
• Prayer, meditation, or other practices that comfort you.

Making decisions, and what to postpone¶

In acute grief, thinking can be foggy. Big decisions, such as selling a home, moving, or making major financial choices, are best postponed where possible. You can say, "I will decide in a few weeks." Many people look back and are glad they waited.

Some practical tasks cannot wait, such as registering the death or arranging a funeral. For these, ask a friend or relative to sit with you, take notes, and ask questions. The guide on the first hours and days after a death at home explains what can wait and what cannot.

How grief changes over time¶

Grief does not follow neat stages. It often comes in waves: intense at first, then softer, then sharp again around a reminder. Many people find the second or third week harder than the first, as the shock fades and visitors drift away.

Over weeks and months, most people find the intensity eases, and they can think of the person with a mix of sadness and gratitude. You do not "get over" a loss, but you can learn to carry it. Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays may bring grief back, and this is normal.

When grief may need extra help¶

For most people, grief gradually becomes more bearable. For some, it stays overwhelming and stops them from living their life for many months. Some health bodies describe this as prolonged grief. Signs can include:

• Intense longing or preoccupation with the person that does not ease with time.
• Being unable to accept the death after many months.
• Feeling that life has no meaning, or that part of you has died.
• Being unable to carry out daily tasks, work, or care for others.
• Staying away from anything that reminds you of the person, or being unable to stop thinking about them.

If these signs continue beyond about six to twelve months, or sooner if you are struggling, speak to your doctor or a bereavement counsellor. Help is effective, and there is no shame in asking.

When to seek help¶

You do not have to wait until things are unbearable. Speak to your doctor, a counsellor, a bereavement service, or a faith leader if:

• You cannot sleep for several nights in a row.
• You are not eating or drinking, or you are using alcohol or drugs to cope.
• You have panic attacks, or constant overwhelming anxiety.
• You cannot function at work, at school, or at home after a few weeks.
• You feel guilty or blame yourself in a way that does not ease.
• You feel numb or detached for a long time.
• You have a pre-existing mental health condition that seems worse.
• You are caring for children or others and feel unable to cope.
• You have thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life.

Types of support¶

Thoughts of suicide: warning signs and what to do¶

Many people who are grieving have fleeting thoughts such as "I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up" or "I want to be with them." These are common, and having them does not mean you will act on them. But they can be a sign that you need help, and if they become stronger or more specific, it is time to act.

Warning signs in yourself¶

• Thinking about ending your life, or wishing you were dead.
• Making a plan, or thinking about how you would do it.
• Looking for ways to harm yourself.
• Feeling hopeless, trapped, or like a burden.
• Giving away possessions, or saying goodbye.
• Feeling a sudden, strange calm after being very distressed.
• Using more alcohol or drugs.

What to do if you are thinking about suicide¶

1. Tell someone now. Say it plainly: "I am thinking about ending my life." You do not need to say it perfectly.
2. Call a crisis line or your local emergency number. In the United States and Canada, call or text 988. In the United Kingdom and Ireland, Samaritans is on 116 123, and in an emergency call 999. In Australia, Lifeline is on 13 11 14, and in an emergency call 000. For other countries, see the acil numaralar sayfa.
3. Move away from anything you could use to harm yourself. This includes medicines, sharp objects, and weapons. Ask someone to remove them, or go to another place.
4. Do not stay alone. Go to a friend, a relative, or a public place, or ask someone to come to you.
5. If you have already taken something, or have hurt yourself, call your local emergency number straight away.

Strong suicidal feelings are a medical emergency, not a weakness. They can pass, and help works. Many people who have felt this way in grief are glad later that they reached out.

Warning signs in someone else¶

If you are worried about a friend or relative who is grieving, look for:

• Talk of wanting to die, or of being a burden.
• Withdrawing from friends and family.
• Giving away belongings.
• Sudden calm after a period of deep distress.
• Increased alcohol or drug use.
• Saying goodbye in an unusual way.
• Taking risks, or not caring about safety.

What to do if someone else may be at risk¶

• Ask directly. "Are you thinking of ending your life." Asking does not put the idea in their head. It can bring relief.
• Listen without judging, and do not argue or try to fix everything.
• Stay with them, or make sure someone else does.
• Remove or secure means of harm, if you can do so safely.
• Call a crisis line or your local emergency number. Do not leave them alone if they are in immediate danger.
• Follow up in the following days. Connection helps.

The guides on mental health crisis ve supporting a family member in a mental health crisis explain what to do and say in more detail.

A flow for choosing what to do¶

flowchart TD
    A["Kederlisiniz ve neye ihtiyacınız olduğundan emin değilsiniz"] --> B{"Hayatınıza son vermeyi mi düşünüyorsunuz yoksa tehlikede misiniz?"}
    B -->|"Evet"| C["Şimdi yerel acil durum numaranızı veya kriz hattını arayın"]
    C --> D["Birinin yanında kalın ve zarar verecek yollardan uzaklaşın"]
    B -->|"Hayır"| E{"Göğüs ağrınız ya da nefes almada zorluk yaşıyor musunuz?"}
    E -->|"Evet"| F["Yerel acil durum numaranızı arayın"]
    E -->|"Hayır"| G["Su iç, küçük bir şeyler ye ve dinlen"]
    G --> H["Bugün güvenilir bir kişiyle iletişime geçin"]
    H --> I["Semptomlar devam ederse doktorunuza veya bir ölüm servisine başvurun"]

Ülkelere göre kriz hatları¶

Bu liste bir başlangıç noktasıdır ve rakamlar değişebilir. Kontrol edin acil numaralar Ülkeniz için sayfa.

Başka bir ülkedeyseniz ulusal intihar önleme veya kriz hattınızı arayın veya doktorunuza danışın. Eğer bulamazsanız yerel acil durum numaranızı arayın.

Başkalarını da önemsiyorsanız kendinize iyi bakın¶

Çocuklarınız, yaşlı akrabalarınız veya size bağımlı olan başka kişiler varsa, her şeyi bir arada tutmak zorunda olduğunuzu hissedebilirsiniz. Kendinize önem vermezseniz başkalarına önem veremeyeceğinizi lütfen unutmayın. Çalışmayı paylaşın ve yardım isteyin.

• Dinlenebilmeniz için başka bir yetişkinden birkaç saat çocuklara bakmasını isteyin.
• Yemek ve ayak işi tekliflerini kabul edin.
• Çocuklara, aşağıdaki kılavuzu kullanarak basitçe ne olduğunu anlatın: telling children and teens about a death.
• Çocukların üzgün olduğunuzu ve destekle başa çıktığınızı görmelerine izin verin.
• Okula ve gerekiyorsa işvereninize söyleyin.

Uzun bir hastalığın ardından asıl bakıcı sizseniz kendinizi bitkin ve boş hissedebilirsiniz. Dinlenmek bencil değildir. Uzun bir bakım döneminin ardından sağlığınızı kontrol edebilecek doktorunuza görünün.

İşe veya okula geri dönmek¶

İşe veya okula döndüğünüzde kendinizi açıkta, yorgun veya konsantre olamadığınız hissedebilirsiniz. Bu normaldir. Yapabiliyorsanız, ilk başta daha kısa günlerle veya daha hafif görevlerle yavaş yavaş geri dönün. Bir yöneticiye veya öğretmene neyi rahatça paylaşabileceğinizi söyleyin ve meslektaşlarınıza söylemesini isteyin, böylece tekrar tekrar açıklama yapmak zorunda kalmazsınız.

Bazı zor anları bekleyin. Nazik bir söz, bir şarkı ya da bir koku, hiçbir uyarıda bulunmadan gözyaşlarına neden olabilir. Sessiz bir oda veya dışarısı gibi birkaç dakikalığına nereye gidebileceğinizi bilin. Yanınızda su ve atıştırmalık bulundurun ve günün sonunda sabırsızlıkla bekleyeceğiniz küçük bir şey planlayın.

Birkaç hafta sonra çalışamayacak durumda olduğunuzu düşünüyorsanız doktorunuzla konuşun. Pek çok ülkede bir doktor izin veya aşamalı dönüş konusunda destek sağlayabilir ve bazı işverenlerin güvenle kullanabileceğiniz danışmanlık hizmetleri vardır.

Ani dalgalar ve onlara nasıl binilir¶

Keder genellikle haftalar sonra bile dalgalar halinde gelir. Bir dalga, göğüste bir sıkışma, boğazda bir yumru, ani bir ağlama isteği veya anıların sel gibi hissedilmesine neden olabilir. Genellikle birkaç dakika içinde yükselir, zirveye çıkar ve hafifler, ancak sonsuza kadar sürecekmiş gibi gelebilir.

Bir dalga geldiğinde:

1. Durun ve yavaşça nefes verin, nefes aldığınızdan daha uzun süre.
2. Name what is happening. Say to yourself, "This is a wave of grief. It will pass."
3. Put a hand on your chest or hold something warm.
4. Let the feeling be there. You do not need to push it away.
5. When it eases, drink some water, and do something small and kind for yourself.

If you find yourself having intense panic, struggling to breathe, or feeling that you are losing control, the panic attacks guide has calm steps to follow.

Remembering and rituals¶

Many people find comfort in small rituals: lighting a candle, saying a prayer, looking at photos, listening to favourite music, or telling stories. You can do these whenever feels right. You can also wait. There is no schedule.

Some people find it helpful to write a letter to the person who died, keep a journal, or make a memory box. Others prefer not to look at reminders for a while. Follow your own pace.

Taking care of your physical health in the weeks ahead¶

After the first days, try to keep up with your usual health care:

• Take regular medicines as prescribed.
• Attend appointments, or reschedule them rather than skipping them.
• Eat regular meals and drink water.
• Move gently most days.
• Spend a little time outside in daylight.
• Keep contact with at least one person each day.

If you find you are catching colds more often, or feeling very run down, mention it to your doctor. Long term stress can affect the body.

İlk yardım eğitimiyle ilgili bir not¶

A hands-on first aid course from the Red Cross, St John Ambulance, or a local provider can teach you how to respond in emergencies, including mental health first aid in some places. This is not something you need to think about today. It is simply an option for later, if it would help you feel more prepared.

Sık sorulan sorular¶

Is it normal to feel nothing after someone dies?¶

Yes. Numbness is one of the most common reactions in acute grief and is the mind's way of protecting you while you take in what has happened. Feelings often come later, in waves, and there is no right or wrong way to react. If the numbness lasts for a very long time or you feel completely disconnected from life, speak to your doctor or a bereavement counsellor.

I cannot sleep or eat. When should I worry?¶

Disturbed sleep and low appetite are very common in the first days. Try to sip fluids, eat small amounts, and rest even if you cannot sleep. If this continues for more than a few days, or you feel faint or unwell, speak to your doctor, and call your local emergency number if you have chest pain or trouble breathing.

What if I think about ending my life?¶

Tell someone now, and call a crisis line or your local emergency number. In the United States and Canada you can call or text 988, in the United Kingdom and Ireland you can call Samaritans on 116 123, and in Australia you can call Lifeline on 13 11 14. Stay with another person, and move away from anything you could use to harm yourself, because help is available and these feelings can pass.

How can I help a friend who is grieving?¶

Stay close, listen without trying to fix, and offer small practical help such as meals, lifts, or sitting with them. Ask directly if they are having thoughts of suicide if you are worried, because asking does not make it more likely. If they are in danger, stay with them and call a crisis line or your local emergency number.

Kaynaklar kontrol edildi¶

• NHS (United Kingdom): "Bereavement and grief", "Coping with bereavement", and guidance on suicidal thoughts.
• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (United States) and 988 Suicide Crisis Helpline (Canada).
• National Institute of Mental Health (United States): suicide warning signs and prevention.
• American Psychological Association and American Heart Association (United States): grief, stress, and heart health, including advice to seek care for chest pain.
• Samaritans (United Kingdom and Ireland), Cruse Bereavement Support (United Kingdom).
• Lifeline and Beyond Blue (Australia), and Grief Australia.
• World Health Organization: guidance on prolonged grief and on preventing suicide.
• Red Cross (American Red Cross, British Red Cross): coping with loss and supporting others.
• Hospice UK and National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization (United States): bereavement support.

This page is general information and not medical advice. If you are worried about your health or safety, speak to a doctor or call your local emergency number.

İlgili kılavuzlar¶

• Family member died overnight at home unexpectedly
• First hours and days after a death at home
• Telling children and teens about a death
• Akıl sağlığı krizi
• Supporting a family member in a mental health crisis